Emily Costello
What does a typical day for Em look like?
Depends on the day. I’ve been working very hard to set boundaries with how much time I spend doing work outside of work. My morning ritual consists of coffee, Crossfit (when I can), emails, and some quality time reading before work. My work day consists of administration work, managing staff, clients, fixing things with superglue, and then heading home to “relax”. I love to get breakfast and catch up with friends when possible, squeezing that in where I can. My partner and I also try to spend evenings together when we can (he works even more than I do) and that’s always a great bonus!
Salon ownership… give us the good, bad and ugly
Where to even begin?
The good, let’s start with the good. It’s the most rewarding job you’ll ever have, watching your vision come to life, and watching your staff grow with it. Small businesses are always changing, and I’m a firm believer that business should always be increasing and reshaping for the better. There are times of friction — rethinking your systems, and reevaluating your mission, but it only pushes and motivates for powerful change.
The bad? I don’t think there’s necessarily a “bad” aspect. You know, it’s mostly all of the work, sweat, and real tears that you spend making sure that you, your staff, and your business are all taken care of to the best of your ability. I’m an extremely logical person, but I’m deeply emotional over the things I care about. Making decisions, especially when it comes to staff, is something that I’ve had to learn to become better at (and will continue to do so) because you form relationships with each person. Ultimately you have to think about the business. If the business wins, you all win, if it suffers, you all suffer.
The ugly – making mistakes, and accepting the responsibility. I’m extremely self critical, and hyper aware that I never want to form an ego. When I make a mistake, I guarantee you that I’m punishing myself 100x over what anyone else could possibly could. There’s a fine line between self confidence and ego, and I’m always checking myself to make sure that I’m doing things to the best of my ability. Did I do that correctly? What did I do wrong? Is it the other person, or is it me? Luckily I’m surrounded by amazing people who can talk me through different scenarios, and are real with me about what I’m thinking. They don’t write a book for the self-criticism, that’s for sure. I continue to look back on every boss I’ve ever had and I understand so many things that they did, that at the time I might have strongly disagreed with. No one is perfect, we’re only human.
We love that you talk openly about your pronouns being They/Them. What’s been your personal journey with pronouns and non-binary advocacy?
This is a lengthy conversation that’s extremely difficult to sum up, but I’ll do my best.
Gender is different for every person, and this is MY OWN personal experience. I cannot speak for everyone. You may choose to never label yourself or your identity, and you may choose to place a lot of importance on your identity, because it validates who you are. As a NB person, it’s important to me personally that I finally know at this current stage in life, I am who I am. It’s the blanket of fluidity that is solidified with my identity.
The beauty of this, is that you are ALLOWED to be who YOU ARE, period.
There’s no right or wrong when it comes to who you are. You do not have to explain who you are to anyone. We live in the era of Google, where others can immediately research and do their best to understand gender, but it’s not up to any person to share, explain, or disclose that information with you. If someone asks me what being NB is, I don’t owe them anything. I usually refer them to a Google link, unless it’s a conversation I’m willing to have at that time.
My pronouns at this particular time in my life are extremely important, because that is currently where I’m at with who I am. It may change. It may not. That’s not up to anyone else. If someone asked you to call them by a different name, would you continue to call them by their given name? No, you wouldn’t. If someone discloses their pronouns to you, just do it. It’s the same concept.
I understand the privilege that comes with being able to openly talk about who I am, and why I choose to do so. There are so many people who are not in safe environments where that is an option. I am extremely aware of my privilege to seemingly appear as a cis-gendered person in a heterosexual relationship, even though I’m queer. This is not something I take for granted, and I strive to do my absolute best to make sure that X is a safe space in which everyone can be who they are — and by using my social media presence to continue to cultivate a creative and artistic outlet for who I am as a person.
What advice would you give hairdressers to help start a dialogue with their clients about pronouns?
It’s easy. If you’re unsure, just ask. “If you don’t mind me asking, what are your pronouns? I want to make sure that you feel safe in my chair.” That way there’s no miscommunication when the stylist is straightforward. If you accidentally misgender someone, take ownership of that and apologize.
What education should people definitely not miss out on this year (or ever)?
I’m biased, but I’m really proud of the education coming out of X. EDU X is not reinventing the wheel, we’re simply relaying what we have learned and translating it to hairstylists in a way where they can genuinely increase their standards of haircutting.
It’s about the integrity, and the why, and how to become better at your craft.
What’s one thing you would have told yourself on the first day of opening your salon knowing what you know now?
“You know this shit is going to be hard but be prepared to be flexible and work through challenges you’re not expecting. Also, make sure you create boundaries from the get go – you’ll be a hot mess if you don’t. Also, take a vacation.”
Boundaries have been the biggest thing for me, and I’ve been working very hard this year (as I stated earlier) to create them for myself. “Work and life balance” is the most cliché of all clichés, but it’s a routine that I strive for daily. If you don’t take care of yourself, who will? You can’t give if you don’t nurture yourself first (easier said than done).
What do you think the biggest struggle stylists are experiencing in the industry today? How do you think we can work towards fixing it?
Damn, I could write a saga about this. Here’s a short list instead (true Virgo here):
Communication with owners & management in the salon. You can’t grow or solve any problems unless you communicate. No one likes confrontation, but too bad. If you don’t communicate, you’ll be stuck in an unhappy rut forever.
Instant gratification. A solid book & career doesn’t grow overnight. The internet is a blessing & curse. People with less than 3 years experience are “making money” but what’s the point if you’re in it for the wrong reasons? Work hard and pay your dues first. It’s a genuine problem when stylists are disappointed that they don’t have a “book” right out of school. A career isn’t built in one year.
The industry is cis-gendered, white male dominated. Do you ever see a person of color being promoted for their amazing work? What about a trans person? Queer persons? Queer people of color? What’s wrong with that picture? It’s a major problem and we need to stop supporting it. Promote people who deserve to be promoted, and stop focusing on scummy reputations for the sake of street credit.
—> How can we work towards fixing these problems, and many others? Community.
Genuine community. We’re “trained” to compete with one another, and I think that’s bullshit. As a business owner, I want my standards to continue to grow, and my business and staff to grow with it. That doesn’t mean I need to compete with every hairstylist I meet. On the contrary – if we spent more time focusing on our OWN craft and communicating and growing with each other, our industry would have 1/2 the problems it has now.
If you were a cocktail, what would you be and why?
I’ve been sober for 8 years, so I’m not sure if I have an answer for this (LOL). If I were any regular old beverage, I would say that I’m a shot of espresso. I’m a small and powerful person who gets the job done.
What traumatic hairstyle have you been guilty of rocking?
Oh lord god, I have no pictures of this – but when I was in middle school I had fake purple streaks that I GELLED into my hair. My natural hair color is between a level 2 & 3, so the purple HARDLY showed up. I thought I was the shit. I’ve had a traumatic series of bad highlights & haircuts for 15 years, but who HASN’T?
Three hair-heros you would love to colab with?
Tim Hartley for sure.
There are actually a lot of magazines that I’d love to work with (is that a thing?) — Heroine, ID magazine, Dazed, Paper magazine – the list goes on.
I knew I was a Hair Nerd when…
Day one. I’ve done nothing but breathe, dream, constantly talk, and nerd out about hair for the past 12 years. I don’t see that train stopping any time soon. When you know, you know.
Where can people stalk you?
I’m a hermit, despite what my Instagram shows. I spend a lot of time creeping and crafting from my apartment.
My basic internet stalking points are:
@costelloxcult — ME
@cultivateX – X
@education_X — EDU X
Coffee houses? I’m passionate about coffee and Philly has so many good options. I love Shot Tower, Hungry Pigeon, and Menagerie as my top 3. I’m a huge fan of food – and The Tasty (vegan diner) is one of my favorite lurk spots.